Friday, November 21, 2008
Let Me Paint You A Picture...
3:30 am….Whitney is peacefully sleeping and the cat is nestled on her and purring in a very comforting tone. Next thing you know Whitney is bolting straight up, the cat is flopping around the bed not knowing what is going on, the other cat freaks out because she doesn’t know whats going on and doesn’t know how to act. Meanwhile, I am writhing in complete, treacherous pain! Yep, I had a charlie horse in my calve. I start grimacing and making painful sounds which wakes Cam up so I tell him what is going on and he starts rubbing my back. In all my anguish I yell “It's not my back, it is my calve!” He continues rubbing my back and falls asleep. I am still in complete pain and I look up and both cats are staring at me like I am some sort of circus freak. That’s how my night went.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
How Do I Feel? In Case You Were Wondering...
Another one from my new favorite columnist.
I'm not a b*tch, I'm pregnant!
by The Sarcastic Journalist
There were four words that drove me nuts every time I heard them while pregnant: How do you feel?
I know, I know, seems simple enough. Someone wants to know how you are feeling! How nice! Those words, although simple enough, seem loaded during pregnancy.
How do I feel? HOW DO I FEEL? I’m pregnant, my belly is stretching, I have cravings for peanut butter at 3 o’clock in the morning and my husband has affectionately nicknamed me “Pudgy.” How the heck do you think I feel?
The people who asked me this question always did with such concern. They’d place a hand on my shoulder, lean in and utter those four little words, much like I’d expect a doctor to say “It is malignant” to a patient.
My pregnancy hormones usually had a role in the way I answered. I’d have to bite my tongue not to reply something horrible about how I really felt.
How do I feel? I feel like shoving my foot up your butt if you ask me that stupid question just one more time.
I'm not a b*tch, I'm pregnant!
by The Sarcastic Journalist
There were four words that drove me nuts every time I heard them while pregnant: How do you feel?
I know, I know, seems simple enough. Someone wants to know how you are feeling! How nice! Those words, although simple enough, seem loaded during pregnancy.
How do I feel? HOW DO I FEEL? I’m pregnant, my belly is stretching, I have cravings for peanut butter at 3 o’clock in the morning and my husband has affectionately nicknamed me “Pudgy.” How the heck do you think I feel?
The people who asked me this question always did with such concern. They’d place a hand on my shoulder, lean in and utter those four little words, much like I’d expect a doctor to say “It is malignant” to a patient.
My pregnancy hormones usually had a role in the way I answered. I’d have to bite my tongue not to reply something horrible about how I really felt.
How do I feel? I feel like shoving my foot up your butt if you ask me that stupid question just one more time.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Traffic Jam
Why do people drive so stupid when they see a cop on the road? Because they are idiots thats why. Driving to work this morning I come across a traffic jam. What is the source of this jam? Retarded drivers...driving by a cop (who was driving 10 under the speed limit any way). I was completely boxed in and couldn't pass anyone. Seriously people. Just drive. It is ok to pass a cop, I promise.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Gas Pains Part 2
Stumbled across this article. I can relate 100%. This is so true. Read on!
It’s bird, it’s a plane, it’s Jackie Chan!
by The Sarcastic Journalist
When it came to pregnancy, I always wanted to know how things were for other people. How much weight were they gaining, what their bellies looked like, when they went into labor. So, of course, I wanted to know when people felt the baby kick.
When I thought of my baby in there, I always imagined a little thing, just walking around on the walls of my uterus. Yes, I know it sounds silly. I get it. But? That’s what I thought. A mall-walking fetus.
Trying to explain to someone what those first few kicks are like is trying to explain a sneeze. You see it in your mind. You can almost feel it, but you can’t put it to words.
A girl I knew had described the feeling as “butterflies in her belly.” I went weeks waiting for the butterfly feeling. It never came. Then I started waiting for big kicks. They didn’t come either.
Even better, it is more like trying to describe a fart, since that is the portion of your body that is all wonky, anyways. Go ahead. Describe one. I’ll wait.
Finally, I caught on and put the television remote on my belly. When it started to bounce, I knew it was the baby. Even though I couldn’t feel my baby, I could see that she was kicking.
The best part about when the baby started to kick meant that we had “Interactive Fetus!” Interactive Fetus was a lot of fun. You could blow on your belly and make her jump. If you pressed enough, she’d start to kick.
And sometimes, if her Daddy stuck his face next to the belly and talked long enough, she’d kick him in the face.
It’s bird, it’s a plane, it’s Jackie Chan!
by The Sarcastic Journalist
When it came to pregnancy, I always wanted to know how things were for other people. How much weight were they gaining, what their bellies looked like, when they went into labor. So, of course, I wanted to know when people felt the baby kick.
When I thought of my baby in there, I always imagined a little thing, just walking around on the walls of my uterus. Yes, I know it sounds silly. I get it. But? That’s what I thought. A mall-walking fetus.
Trying to explain to someone what those first few kicks are like is trying to explain a sneeze. You see it in your mind. You can almost feel it, but you can’t put it to words.
A girl I knew had described the feeling as “butterflies in her belly.” I went weeks waiting for the butterfly feeling. It never came. Then I started waiting for big kicks. They didn’t come either.
Even better, it is more like trying to describe a fart, since that is the portion of your body that is all wonky, anyways. Go ahead. Describe one. I’ll wait.
Finally, I caught on and put the television remote on my belly. When it started to bounce, I knew it was the baby. Even though I couldn’t feel my baby, I could see that she was kicking.
The best part about when the baby started to kick meant that we had “Interactive Fetus!” Interactive Fetus was a lot of fun. You could blow on your belly and make her jump. If you pressed enough, she’d start to kick.
And sometimes, if her Daddy stuck his face next to the belly and talked long enough, she’d kick him in the face.
Gas Pains
I have been having these weird "gas pains" lately. Oh wait, they aren't gas pains...it's my baby! Whoa. That little thing comes alive at about 8:00 (almost) every night. I guess it does kind of feel like butterflies in your stomach but sometimes it tickles me and makes me laugh out loud. It is the neatest thing.
I get to find out the gender November 7th. Mark your calendars. I am so excited to find out that I took that whole day off work to celebrate! I am not really sure what I will do after my appointment that is first thing in the morning but hey, it's a mom thing. I think. Ya, I can totally say that.
I get to find out the gender November 7th. Mark your calendars. I am so excited to find out that I took that whole day off work to celebrate! I am not really sure what I will do after my appointment that is first thing in the morning but hey, it's a mom thing. I think. Ya, I can totally say that.
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